I feel like I’ve lost myself. I have just made a big move in my life. The biggest move I’ve ever made. I left my house and moved across the entire United States. It was a long move. I feel like I lost parts of myself along the way. I stopped doing my daily activities. I wasn’t interacting with others. I wasn’t going outside a lot. I had lost touch with parts of myself that made me who I was. Once getting to the place where I would be living, well I felt some relief. I was finally in a stable environment. I could return to who I once was. Wrong, I couldn’t. I did the same activities and I still felt this feeling in my body that it wasn’t the same. I pushed it away as being just a new place and it’s only been a few days. But then it hit me right in the face. I had lost myself in this process. I felt like I couldn’t tell you who I was or what I liked. Parts of me had been stripped away and I was scared. I was scared of losing myself. I wanted to hold onto the parts of me that were already gone. I wanted to still be me, because well what else did I have at this point. Nothing. I journaled and talked about how I felt lost being out here. Not understanding what my purpose is. I’m still not sure what my true purpose is, I’m figuring it out. I was journalling and it really started to play in my mind that I was uncomfortable because I didn’t know myself anymore. I was changed. Changing and growing are normal and very much a part of the process. Growing and expanding your mind and your potential is going to be uncomfortable. It’s not an easy thing to do, and I had basically jumped off a cliff with my growth. I was really struggling with the idea of not knowing who I was. I wasn’t ready to let go of those parts of myself yet. But I had to. So I did, I cried and mourned the loss of my old self. The old version of myself, I wouldn’t ever be her again. I’m still working on this concept that I won’t ever be that person again, no matter what. Even if I go back home I’ll be changed and different. It’s easy to see and feel all this pain and think that nothing good could ever come from it. I’ve changed and I’m growing, but I also can be whoever I want to be. I’m in a new city. Only one person knows me. I can change my habits and I can become the person I have always wanted to be. I am at a point where I can be molded. I can change myself for the better and just flourish in this new place. It’s so hard moving and letting go of old versions of yourself. But getting to build and create yourself can be so fulfilling and life-changing. You can become the best version of yourself, but you need to let go of the old version that isn’t you anymore. That isn’t easy, but it’s so worth it. It’s worth the reward of getting to know the real you and becoming a better person. You can discover new parts of yourself. You can try new things just because you aren't sure to know if you will like them. Let yourself be molded and changed. Do not be scared. Enjoy life and don't worry about letting go, because you will find yourself again, and you will be a better version. A new you.
-Olivia Darling
